I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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