You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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