well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
