I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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