a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
