My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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