you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
