I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
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So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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