u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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