Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize