sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
