Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
they're like a gay fantastic four
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
