I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
