are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize