I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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