i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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