There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize