My nipple is on Facebook.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
oh god was she eating orange peels again
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
