So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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