a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
