Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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