he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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