Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
