New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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