I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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