I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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