I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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