This is not my ceiling
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
