I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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