super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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