I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
