It's Friday. Sex?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
