so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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