I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
