i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
