I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
