you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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