so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
