We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
