I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
