He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
