Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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