i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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