They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
