nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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