Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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