have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Pants are for mortals
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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