I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
