this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
