Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
