the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
