At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
