woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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