from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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