We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
