fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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