That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
