I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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