ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
