I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
