so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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