Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
