I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
