i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
