Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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