his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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