What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize