why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize