when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
